sojeong's mind

Hate that you sleep so early but thank you for the goodnight text keke

I have to do this.

I want to do this.

in my usual library cubicle

consumed a whole can of red bull

so i’m not sure if my heart beating and excitement is cuz of the caffeine or you

gawd… just when I’m completely over you, I have a slight hope that all my daydreaming about you might come true…

Hmmm I have many things to update, but my roommate’s asleep, and I don’t want to risk waking her up with typing noise… heh but just cuz I can’t contain these thoughts…

Thank you for all the memories…

I’m going to think of you every time I listen to the song you played for me on the guitar… the dim lights, my mixed emotions, and your voice are all going to remain so vivid in my head for a while.

I probably can’t help but smile whenever I see ddukboggi, remembering the ridiculous one you made for me. I’ll remember your kimchijjigye, unhealthy tasting but FRICKEN good, def better than the one I made for you.

Some nights, I’ll reminisce how we lied together in bed just talking and laughing. 

I like the way you baby me.

I like the way you’re gentle and cautious with me.

I’m not sure if we’re going to make more memories together… but for now, I’m just sorry I didn’t get close to you earlier. When I told you that, you just pinched my cheeks and smiled.

I hope we make the best of the time we have left together.

As much as I hate the price my parents have to pay for me to live in dorms, I love dorm life.

I love just barging into my friends’ rooms and dragging them to go eat or workout with me.

I love saying hi to them so regularly when I just step into my hall.

I love it when they come to my room to rant or just chit-chat.

I love getting together in someone’s room and start “cooking” korean food.

I love coming back to my memory foam bed at 4AM from the library.

I’m gonna miss all this…

even the time I locked myself out of my room in my shower gown and I had to wait in my friend’s room until my roommate came back

even the times I locked myself in my room to study for finals

even the times I just rolled around in bed all day because I was depressed

even the three flights of stairs I have to race down when I’m late for bio lab (the only class that attendance matters)

So I thank God. Because one day, I’m going to look back into my youth and remember all these little moments. 

currently at the library, which I call second home here. Hmm.. that reminds me, I started calling my dorm room, home. I stopped missing my parents and korean food so much. It’s really comfortable in my room, especially since my roommate and I are chill but also keep each others’ privacy. We don’t talk a lot, but it’s not awkward at all. The best thing about her is that she’s very neat. But today, she told me that she doesn’t make her bed at home, which is surprising since her bed is ALWAYS  made. I organize and clean my stuff so regularly to match her neatness, and she’s been going out of her way to do her part. :D I really thank God for her… I even wanna room with her again next year, but I think she might want to room with her best friend. Who knows what’s gonna happen.

The biggest thing I learned and accepted now is that “things happen.” Things happen to relationships, things happen to grades, and everything changes, even me. I never knew that I would have to force myself to stop drinking. I never knew that i was so antisocial and I had to force myself to get out there.

So cliche, but here it is. God is always the same. I was told this all my years in high school, but I’ve never been so in touch with God and His Holy Spirit until now. Always whispering in my ears… and all I had to do was “tune out” (ref. nvc winter retreat) of the world. 

Everyone says it. “College is where you discover who you are.” I thought I had myself all figured out. But I’m finding out things about myself that I never knew… some very embarrassing ones too. I already knew that once I’m hooked onto one thing, I get super obsessed, and the fire dies out really quickly. I thought that was only for materials, korean drama, songs, or boys. But that side of me goes for friends too. I give everything to that one friend… and I’m always seeking that ONE friend that’s “worth” all my energy. But once that “worth” goes away, I act really coldly. As much as there are people I absolutely treasure, there are people that I pushed out of my life… and some that pushed me out and I gave up on. I think my cold side comes along because of my pride. I was really convicted of that at the SBPC retreat.

Speaking of retreat, God confirmed my gifts. God let me feel emotionally what the person was going through at the nvc winter retreat, but this time, He showed me images. I was able to interpret some of them, but other ones, I just told the people and they somehow made sense of it. But apparently, they were all accurate…. I was as surprised as they were. I was always jealous of the NVC BASICs who had gifts, and I prayed for a while for my own, but I gave up. But right when I needed to encourage people through prayer, God blessed me. Perfect timing, as always. As for tongue, I still need to practice more. 

One thing for sure, these gifts have made me more in tune with the Spirit; definitely more thankful and in awe of the fact that God lives.

llege2nd week of my second semester here, and it’s getting busier now… which means I’m doing less QT :( God has given me gifts at the high school retreat, and I haven’t really practiced it. A few days ago, I went to “Daniel Prayer” at SBPC, I think I was trying too hard, or maybe even doubtful. Doubtful that I really did have the gift, or I was even scared that He might have just given it to me at retreat so I can be used.

I’ve been ending my days at the lounge in my dorm. It’s quiet and deserted at about this time, and I just play music and do my homework. I should definitely try doing QTs here :D

It’s really dark here at UOP. It’s so clear that these people do and say certain things because they are so empty inside. As much as I thank God for giving me security and peace, I should really start praying for certain people that God has brought my attention to.

nothing in particular happened.

just a typical day at college

rushing to class, last minute homework cramming, and no problems resolved.

but I’m really happy for some reason.

I really do believe that such happiness that can’t be explained comes from God.

happy by the fact that I can live for Him today

happy just because He is with me today.

Thank you Lord.

wow… haven’t been on tumblr for a while.. but my roomie’s sleepin and I got all ready for orientation already.. so I guess I’ll just ramble on for a few moments.

I woke up at 7AM today.. by myself, without an alarm. Last night, I even flossed. o.O I. never. floss. lol I guess I’m getting more responsible now…? ehhh idk. maybe it’s just a 2 week thing… and i’ll get super lazy again.

I continued to read Deuteronomy and Galatians last night and this morning:

“But now that you know God or rather are known by God—how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?” Galatians 4:9

“The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. he has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything” Deut 2: 7

Good stuff.

My official commitments I made at the Mexico trip have been on my mind constantly… if I can actually do it… I don’t have any tracts, so it’s gonna be a bit harder now… Hmm… maybe not one person per day… but at least one person a week? haha. The other one… I think I can do it. If I read all those books for White’s class, I can def finish the Bible.